In a discussion I have had, concerning genuine unhappiness with life and whether occurrence of success had any effect on it, a loop of some sorts occurred to me, describing how one arrives completion of our goals, maybe answering the question. We focused on career success in particular, such as a promotion, but I would like to keep this ‘goal’ as generic as possible.

Without hopefully sounding too much like a bland self-help book, I would like to answer the topics of this conversation, by visiting this loop, made up by “components” of my life. This will hopefully draw a line between goals and happiness, and bring some insight.

In terms of happiness, I mainly consider the long-term happiness one carries. Think what would you be happy about on your deathbed type of happiness. On the other hand, deep unhappiness is very concrete. It to me feels overwhelming, as if nothing in life before mattered, or will matter much in the end. It is like a feeling of being positioned at step 1 of life. That implies that even though many of us have goals, maybe long for recognition, power and influence inherent to conventional success as currently perceived, achievement of any goal at least in my case does not raise my spirits. But what can then?

Enjoyment of living -> Trust in oneself -> Courage -> Responsibility -> A Goal ->

  1. Enjoyment of living: Some from of enthusiasm in life, a will to life if one wants to be dysphemistic, I perceive as the start of everything. Not necessarily some grand destination of a life, but the small (or large) reasons to get out of bed every morning. The enjoyable in life, such as hobbies.
  2. Trust in oneself: Willingness to do something, anything helps me perceive what I want, what I need. It establishes even the weakest of trust in myself, my thoughts, instincts and body. The stronger the trust in oneself, the clearer the goal & the more peaceful the mind.
  3. Courage: Courage is one of my most used words, as I perceive it as integral in every day life. Its existence or lack of is strongly connected to my subconscious, such as my fears lying within it. Courage thrives on the previous concepts, however strongly they manifest. It brings about change, closing the gap between “what I am” and “what I want to be”.
  4. Responsibility: With change in my life, the goals change as well. I find it good to re-valuate my direction and responsibilities. Especially in the light of new responsibilities that maybe arose.
  5. A Goal: Finally, a goal is hopefully accomplished. This could be related to the mentioned promotion, a publication of a book or a bad habit suppressed. To me, this accomplishment rarely brings longer-lasting happiness in itself. It is of course a positive feeling, but not as strong as it would have seemed. If the goal influences my happiness, it is usually in the future. By being something to be proud of or to build upon, in order not to slip into hopelessness and similarly negative thoughts. Thus, I would argue the loop is closed as our accomplishments lead back to finding the positive in life.

So, to answer the topic of a conversation started weeks ago, based on my experiences, I do feel like goals can make us happier. But there is a catch. Wanting them should come from the right place, as not any goal brings happiness. And if they do make us happy, it might not be all at once.